omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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