Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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