Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
