to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
