Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
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I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
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Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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