No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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