It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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