i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
