around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
