If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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