my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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