I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
