just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize