Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
