where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Randomize
