i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
