It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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