no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
