Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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