I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
