I accidentally burped into my bong.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
