just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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