either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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