So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
