We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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