mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
