Jerry, you need to find god
I met the friendliest cop last night
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
