Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
