i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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