I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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