what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
