i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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