Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
