It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
All I want is dick and wine.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
