Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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