Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
