So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
