whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
