That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This is classic penis vs brain.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
