I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
