the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
