I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
