As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
