Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Someone signed my nipple.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
