haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
