Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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