There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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