So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
