meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
