Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
