I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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