Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
