This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
