my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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