Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize