I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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