Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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