Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He? As in you personified your dick?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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