Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
