Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
