How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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