the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You've changed since you got that strap on
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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