you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
