I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
