Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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