Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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