i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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