Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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