When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
