I feel like I'm in dance class right now
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
