dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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