The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
