I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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