Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Dicks are not precious.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
