So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
