her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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