Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
