You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We have started to decorate penises.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
