So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
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Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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